Holey Weak

Yep, I spelled that wrong on purpose.

This week has been a doozy. I’ve yelled at my husband more than I’d care to admit, my daughters car had flat tire repairs numerous times, we gave the government a LOT of money this week(the joy of entrepreneurship)… yay April 15(imagine my eyes rolling), and I have just struggled getting anything completed. It’s been annoyances and distractions more than anything. In the grand scheme of things, it’s really not been that bad. I’ve been letting unrealistic expectations get the best of me. Some moments feel like I’m just trying not to loose my s^@t verses seeing a blessing in the chaos. I have felt weak, I have felt off, my schedule has felt like a piece of Swiss cheese, it’s just got a lot of holes in it.

So this Holy Week thing has me thinking. Makes sense, in the spiritual realm, that things would be chaotic. I mean it’s only the most important week in all of Christianity. It’s the fulfillment of prophecy, it’s the key to unlocking the Old Law and freeing us with the New Law. The veil is torn, the Holy of Holies is now open to everyone. It’s a pretty big deal. Jesus death is vitally important to our salvation. He suffered betrayal, physical abuse, mental abuse, was beaten so badly and then brutally nailed to a cross. At any time He could have called out to God and said, “NOPE, NOT DOING IT! THEY AREN’T WORTH IT!!” But He didn’t, because to Him(God in human form) We were worth it, we are worth it.

I use to struggle with Jesus. I doubted His part in the big plan. I questioned whether He was REALLY God’s son, and also God Himself. The trinity perplexed me, the far-fetched historical references of conception and miracles made it a hard ‘sell’ for me. It wasn’t until I discovered my Jewish roots that it all started making sense why I doubted Christ. My great great great etc… grandfather was a Rabbi for goodness sake. The family line, the generational stronghold of questioning if Jesus was the fulfillment of prophecy was ‘gifted’ to me on down the line. The Wittenberg spiritual genes were causing a bit of a riff in my belief system. I never doubted that there was a God. Always knew there was definitely a bigger power in charge. For me it took nothing but a sunrise or sunset to believe that.  But this Jesus person… I struggled. So holes in my belief system and doubt sure didn’t make my faith journey easy.

So all this suffering Christ went through, it just didn’t make sense to me WHY would he do that? Why go through the agony of suffering when your DAD is GOD!? That’s what got me every time. God loved us that much. To take it all upon Himself in human form so we could have a personal relationship with Him, with Christ and gift us the Holy Spirit. To live this life not just WITH God, but with God WITHIN us. *Mind blown*

When I watched the movie, The Case for Christ, for the first time it was very eye opening in my doubting Thomas scientific mind(I admit, I’ve watched it several times). The scientific documentation on the amount of people that witnessed not only His death but also saw Him after He had died was enough to cut the doubt tie for me. So many accounts for Him as a risen Savior. So many copies of the manuscripts over and over accounting the same thing. All the “he said she said” went out the door when I discovered so many people said the same thing, like 500 plus accounting the events happening at that time, they were there!!

I want you to know it’s ok to battle this faith out. It’s ok to ask questions, it causes us to dig in deeper. THAT is how a relationship is developed and THAT is what Christ wants, a relationship, not head knowledge… a relationship. The closer you get to Him the easier it is to make those right choices, to fight for your peace, to repent, reset, renew, repeat.

So back to my craptastic week…

It has felt yucky, disconnected, chaotic and my moods have been all over the place. But I’ve battled, I’ve fought to get to peace, and by fight I mean surrender it to God. I’ve taken my crappy mood and told God, “Dude, I’m sorry, I’m just struggling.” He knows, he knows, and I think to myself, Jesus had a pretty rough Holy week too!(Read Luke 22!) Imagine what Jesus went though during holy week. One day everyone is waving palm branches at you and singing Hosanna, and then a few days later one of your own closest to you betrays you… for money!! And another denies you, and then the cross. All for this… Fulfillment of prophecy. It had to happen and He knew it was going to happen. The suffering had to happen, so we could be saved from ourselves. You are saved because of Him, not because of yourself and your own doing. His brutal beating, betrayal, death and all …. for you, He is in the business of saving souls.

Now we get to choose.

Do we believe that this man is God, and that this Jesus is also the Son of God? Do we believe not only IN Him, but BELIEVE HIM? Even though we don’t know everything, or understand everything, (for who can understand the full mind and ways of Christ?) can we believe and leave our understanding to Him? Can you be all-in to a God that gave up His own Son? Can you be all-in to a God that loves you so much and KNOWS your suffering, for HE HIMSELF suffered for you? Can you be all-in when life seems full of holes and you seem just TOO weak to get through this week?

I challenge you to receive the gift of Christ this Holy Week. No performance can make you worthy of it. Accept that He did it for you and expects nothing in payment. He is the payment. And now, we get to live as a receivers of Christ, and do this: Let love flow to us, and through us. Live in the Spirit, love in the Spirit and let the Spirit flow in and through you. And maybe those holes can be filled with God’s light and maybe in our weakness we can truly let Him be strong.

I hope you have a blessed Holy Week.

Let Him Shine.

2 thoughts on “Holey Weak

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