A non-Christmas related post… or maybe it is… He is my salvation, my Savior, He came to set the captives free… He is the HOPE for all of us…
Process… process… process… It’s daily, it’s moment to moment… It’s renewal, reset… freedom of the mind is hard work… yet freedom… is worth it!
and provide for those who grieve in Zion- to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of his splendor. Is 61:3
It’s a statement I’ve heard a million times… a diamond in the rough… I thought of it as beauty found in darkness or ugliness. The Lord keeps revealing to me more and more about diamonds… and understanding what they symbolize.
It takes 725,000 lbs of pressure per square inch to make a diamond. They are the hardest natural material in the world. The can be crushed by a hydraulic press, they can get lost, and they can be shattered, but they are NOT easily broken. So what does all of this mean….
I’m going to talk to you about something very hard. Infact I’ve never written about it…. It’s been over 20 years, yet it still affects my life. To stay silent many times is good, but to be silent can also destroy you from the inside out. I knew I had some “issues” that were hard, mostly trust issues. My husband has been a patient man in my emotional rollercoaster of life. You see, this one event has left me with one thing I haven’t been able to get past yet…. yet…. Post Traumatic Stress Disorder from a sexual assault. My triggers are far and few between which is a good thing… but when it happens, I make no sense, I accuse people I love of trying to destroy me and anyone I love. It’s an ugly reaction that as soon as I feel it boiling up inside of me, I know it’s not normal, that it’s not right, that I hit an emotional level that many would not put up with. I’ve always wondered why God managed to pair my husband and I up, but I know why, he knows this man’s patience. I’ve gotten better, but not all better. I really don’t know that all better is an option and I have to be ok with that. We are learning the triggers and this last one was a doozy. I’ve been crying like crazy to think that this “event” is still affecting me, that I still have fears and trust issues after 20 years even though I have this amazing man and kids in my life.
I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. Rms 8:18
I’m sure over the years my children have wondered what was wrong with me, why I’d fly off the handle at the weirdest things and that something as simple as hearing someone say “NO” multiple times could throw me into an emotional rage. For many don’t consider that we all function in life looking through our own lenses, “experience lenses”, and my lenses need to be replaced. They are broken and scratched and scared and I can’t see clearly. So I asked God to get rid of my glasses. I don’t want to see with damaged lenses anymore. I want to love how I should and stop living in fear of “what if”…
I share for one reason only, I want others to know you are not alone. I want you to know that when you get emotionally unstable that there is an amazing God to turn to and He can help you heal, one episode at a time. It’s a slow process, I truly believe essential oils have helped along with many prayers, the pleading prayers to not feel like this anymore. (The limbic system of our brain hold our emotional library… it can only be accessed and opened for release through the sense of smell(Olfactory bulb)… it’s an amazing thing God created.. I’m thankful for learning this!) I don’t want to lash out anymore out of fear. I don’t want to rage anymore because of fear. I just want to love and trust that this life I have has a purpose and that with Christ I can be free, as anyone can be freed.
So beauty found in darkness or ugliness. The 725,000 lbs of pressure per square inch to make a diamond. We are strong in this world, with Christ as our strength. We can be crushed at time, become lost at times, but WE are NOT easily broken. I pray for you, we are diamonds in the rough and we are being made into a beautiful creation.
One of the hardest thoughts throughout my life has been grasping the fact that God didn’t stop it. What I know is this, He was with me in my suffering, He suffered along with me and He hurts that I hurt. I survived, I am here today, I am no longer trapped in that moment, and I tell myself this frequently. We live in a fallen world friends and evil is after every one of us. We have to know that if we stand together and help others to find emotional and spiritual healing that many will be free. My suffering will help someone. Your suffering will help someone and someday we will suffer no more. Stay strong and know that you are loved.
But those who suffer he delivers in their suffering; he speaks to them in their affliction. Job 36:15
Notice is says delivers “IN” not from…. We are being delivered… be willing.