As many of you know I am an advocate for wellness, a seeker of healing in body, mind and spirit. The mind and spirit have so much influence on the well being of the body. I’ve spend years diving into mind strength, emotional healing and spiritual growth. This journey started almost 10 years ago as my health was wavering and so was my emotions and spiritual walk. You see, when all three are weak, it’s a recipe for a health disaster. I became very sick, doctor after doctor, test after test, no one could help. As I read through the doctors notes, after requesting medical records, comments like, “difficult” patient showed up frequently. I’m sure I was difficult… no answers, no direction, just sick, hurting physically and mentally…
My journey to wellness started with spiritual growth. I took this amazing bible study class called, “Breaking Free”. Layers of my past were mended and the journey to health began. Over the next 10 years I dove into many bible studies, journalizing and worshiping. Healing continued. About 2 years ago I felt a draw to learn more about the power of the mind and what part we have in our wellness journey through our thoughts, and my health continued to improve. My body has been my biggest struggle as I’ve been REALLY healthy, and REALLY not healthy over my life span. I’ve ran numerous races, half marathons and did a triathlon. I was a college athlete and was very strong physically. I also have been 40 lbs over weight, completely lazy and neglected my body by NOT exercising at all!! This yo-yo journey with my body as been a mess. Although I’m well (not taking any medications, only supplements, and have no “conditions”) I know I need to work on getting into a healthier routine with exercise and eating. I’m better than I was, but still need improvement. I’m a work in progress. We all are.
I have felt a call to help people, and encourage others in their emotional healing, mind strength along with spiritual strength. This is what I do, encourage, guide, help. I’ve many times considered going back to school to get a degree to practice medicine or become a counselor. Maybe someday. I’m 43, I’ve got plenty of time… right?
Here is the hard part. All this education, all this time I’ve spent diving into books, resources, learning from my own experience and others, I can’t help my own daughter. She is 18 years old. We have been taking her to doctors since she was 3 months old. Skin issues, joint pain, stomach pain, vitamin deficiencies, anemia, muscle pain, headaches, allergies… The weirdest symptom has been her sensitivity to water on her body… it’s evident to me she has a compromised immune system and major inflammation. On and on we go, test after test, doctor after doctor, medicine after medicine, vitamin after vitamin… I believe we have tried everything from anti-candida diet to allergy shots, MRIs to lab tests for every Auto Immune DisEase under the sun… We’ve done emotional work, counseling, dermatologists, allergy specialists, neurologist, sleep studies, raindrop technique, Chiropractors, Naturopathic doctor. The ND was the closest to getting somewhere. The dietary changes and supplements helped for awhile.
My point, I’m tired, I’m hurting, she’s hurting. As her mother, and a wellness advocate, I feel like a failure, I just can’t come up with an answer for her, no one can. I’ve prayed for her for healing, I’ve went to healing services on her behalf. I’ve interceded over and over and over. What can I do? What can SHE do? What?
I know God has a reason for this, maybe it’s to direct her as she is going into the medical field. It’s so hard, she’s been well for 6 months in a row for her entire life. She lives a roller coaster wellness ride. I hate this. I want to fix it. I want to “find” the cure, I want someone to find the cure, I’ve prayed for immaculate healing, just make it go away.
I’m the one who tells people to NOT claim disEase, that your thoughts can reverse your health, that emotional release can bring physical healing and yet here I sit…. empty handed, feeling defeated and helpless. It could be so much worse, I know, she could be fighting for her life, and maybe part of me feels she is, that this “thing” might consume her if we don’t figure it out. It’s a fear, I’m being real, I could pretend I’m not afraid, what good does that do. Maybe I’m playing God, maybe I want to fix her… who wouldn’t want to fix their kid! I just want her to live like other kids. I don’t want advice anymore, I don’t want another suggestion, I just want her better. I want her well forever. I hate this.
I’m tired of doctors being horrible to us. She has had some of the worse experiences with doctors, the worst one telling her “If you want the boys to like you, you might want to use the cremes on your eczema.”… I don’t know but the girl has had HORRIBLE experiences with doctors, therefore putting a real bad taste in our mouths for anyone even giving a shit about her well being… or seeing her as just another number walking in the door. I’m sick of it. I hate it. I just want it gone so she can move on. I worry about her claiming sickness over her life as she doesn’t know any different… I look at my girl today, she’s been home sick for 2 days this week, dropped 10 lbs(she’s already a size 2!), rash everywhere, can’t eat, stomach and back pain, weak. And off she goes to school today, straight A student, working as a waitress after school, always caring and loving on her friends…. People just don’t know the struggle she has. She says she stays busy so she doesn’t have to think about it.
This is a raw area in my mom journey as my girl is heading off to college next August. I want her well for what comes next in her life. I want more than anything for her to claim health over her life, with positive thoughts and spiritual strength. At the end of the day though, she could still be sick, this is the part I just don’t understand.
We do not get the privilege of understanding God’s reasons or will over our lives or others lives. All I can do is offer it up to Him and give it to Him over and over and over. I pray for her restoration, for healing of body, mind, spirit. We continue with tests and advice from doctors as she flares up… we continue….
This brilliant child of ours will move mountains regardless of her physical health, she already has. Press on child, press on and trust in His reasons. Your health may be a struggle but your brilliance and spirit can’t be touched, signed sealed and delivered by the King of Kings. Keep fighting, claim freedom over it, I believe healing is possible.
If I might ask you to offer up healing prayers for my daughter I would greatly appreciate it.
Love, a tired mom