I don’t like to talk about my parenting failures(I’m assuming NO ONE does). Many times I’d like to hide those moments in a box and pray like crazy my kids never tell anyone how outrageous I was. I find myself pleading with God that my kids do not end up screwed up for life from the words or actions that transpire when I lose it! I wish I could say I was a perfect parent, but I’m not. I think we all wish that. Don’t you wish there was an instruction manual that came with your kid when they were born? Each kid is different too, so a different manual for each kid would be great! Not so lucky…. Instead, we live, we learn, we fail. But how do we recover from FAIL?
“MOM, MOM, MOM!!….. Mom….. Moooooommmm!”
“WHAT!!!!, Holy cow child, what can possibly be so urgent, I’m trying to clean up and of course NO ONE is helping!!!??” (Oh, my goodness, can she not wait until I’m done wiping down the kitchen counters covered in crumbs and leftover dinner? The world might end if one of these kids actually HELPED around here! This house is a mess and I need to create some form of order before I lose it! If cleaning off the counters is the only order I can get, then that’s what I’m going for! Why can’t they stop bugging me with nonsense? …. UGH….)
Between all the kids activities, work, house work, paying bills, and trying to have some form of social life as parents, sometimes things just get out of control. Laundry piles a mile high, dishes haven’t been washed in days. I dread the thought of company coming over for fear of what my house might smell like and look like! Do you ever find yourself struggling to find order in your home? I TRY to have some form of organization and schedule for this family, but sometimes, it just goes haywire.
While I was snapping my daughter’s head off for interrupting my “cleaning session” I look over and see an open Bible, a teenage Bible study and she is sitting at the table with a pen in her hand….. My heart skipped a beat, I felt a weight about 500 lbs. fall on my chest. I just failed her, EPIC FAIL! She was needing my guidance with a Bible study question and I was yelling at her. She’s a teenager, do you know how few teenagers even OPEN a Bible these days and I do THIS??!!! Really, Really? How in the world did I let CLEANING, of all things, get in the way of my child’s desire to learn about God??? I’m the one praying for my kids to become closer to God and then I’m the one keeping them from it! I felt about a 1/2 inch tall, no, no…. I felt more like dirt and boy did I fall short to the glory of God….
for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and all are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus. Romans 3:23-24
How do you recover this? If there is one thing I have learned in the past 16 years of parenting it is the power of apology and humbling myself (just because I’ve learned it, doesn’t mean it’s easy!). Does your pride ever get in the way of an apology, to your spouse, friends, kids, anyone? I use to be so prideful I wouldn’t DARE say sorry to anyone! For some reason, I had it in my head that an apology was a symbol of weakness. But then a crazy thing happened, I became a momma and I had this sweet little boy. He has always been so heartfelt in his apologies, even at 3 years old. Tears would well up in those sweet little eyes and he would stare up at me and say “Mommy, I’m so sorry.” and my heart would melt. Amazing how powerful those words are. I learned from my own 3-year-old child the importance of a humble apology. Who am I to expect this of my children, husband and anyone else, if I cannot simply humble my own self and say “sorry”? My pride, took a side seat to the power of apology.
Thankfully I was able to reconcile with my daughter. I humbled myself and apologized for yelling at her. That moment of her deflated heart was turned back around and I was able to help her and guide her in her questions. The thought of being a stumbling block to my own daughters faith was enough to make me sick. I had to reevaluate my priorities and CLEANING, needed to move down the chart. I think we all have that “thing” that triggers our irritation(I call it the red flag moment), whether it is interruption during a football game, cooking, cleaning, reading, etc. What we must remember is our priorities. Sometimes those “things” can take precedence in our moments and we need to rethink those moments. We need to reevaluate who or what is truly important in those moments.
As yesterday marked the start of lent, I have decided to give up “yelling out of anger”. I know, it may sound corny, but when my “red flag” goes off and my yelling is building in my chest and ready to burst out like a roaring lion, I need to rethink it. I need to calm myself and approach my red flag with a problem solving attitude, not with prideful entitlement. So each time I face the thought of yelling out of anger, I will be reminded of the ultimate sacrifice of Christ, who laid down his life on the cross for us. There is no greater love than the ultimate sacrifice of Christ.
But God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.(Romans 5:8)
My challenge to you; When you fail (I hate to state it like that, but friends, it’s going to happen), remember you have a choice to reset and get right with God and humble yourself before Him. Be strong enough to admit your mistakes. Ask for forgiveness from God. If you’ve wronged someone, humbly say you’re sorry. Sometimes people reject our apologies, we have to be willing to let that happen and trust God with healing time and acceptance time that they may need. Remember, God knows your heart! To the moms that are beating yourself up inside, I want you to do something for me….. forgive yourself. I believe that God often has forgiven us years ago for our failures and yet we still beat ourselves up over and over again. Accept what Christ has done for you, accept His sacrifice. When we stand strong in Christ’s forgiveness and claim that, we are an example of strength and courage to our children. Let go of your failures and grab hold of Christ’s mercy, love and strength!! We get a do-over and let’s do it better next time! Chose to see your “next time” as an opportunity to improve. Praise the LORD!!
Blessings to YOU!
My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. Psalm 73:26(NIV)
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